The good news is that none of those things are a problem. You don\u2019t have to know where to start, nor do you have to have your story organised. And despite what people often imagine, you certainly don\u2019t have to cry for therapy to be helpful. Some people cry in their first session. Some don\u2019t cry for months. Some never cry at all. None of those reactions tell me whether therapy is \u201cworking\u201d (I have other telltale signs for that).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
More than anything, my hope is that you leave thinking, \u201cPhew… that actually wasn\u2019t so bad.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n If that\u2019s how you feel after our first meeting, then I think we\u2019ve made a really good start.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you arrive, I\u2019ll show you into the cabin and point out which chair is yours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One thing people often notice is that I take my slippers off before we start. Quite a few clients ask whether they should take their shoes off too. My answer is always the same: if it\u2019ll help you feel more comfortable, absolutely. If not, keep them on. Whatever helps you settle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ll also point out where the water is and let you know that if you’re too hot or too cold, just tell me and we’ll adjust the room. They\u2019re tiny things, but I want the space to feel as comfortable as possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You\u2019ll already have received my written contract before we meet, so rather than spending the first part of the session reading through pages of paperwork together, I\u2019ll simply ask whether you have any questions about it. If you don\u2019t, we’ll move on.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve found that most people don’t come to counselling because they want to spend twenty minutes talking about contracts. They usually want to start talking about what\u2019s brought them here, which is obviously fair. If we need to revisit something from the contract later\u2014confidentiality, cancellations or anything else\u2014we\u2019ll do that together when it\u2019s relevant.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n One of the first things I\u2019ll usually ask is how you\u2019re feeling about being here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you tell me you\u2019re nervous, I probably won\u2019t try to convince you not to be. Instead, I\u2019ll probably say something like, \u201cYeah… talking to a stranger about your problems can feel pretty weird.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I find that simply acknowledging what\u2019s already happening often helps people relax.<\/p>\n\n\n\n From there, I\u2019ll ask what would feel most helpful. Would you like to just start talking? Would it help if I asked some questions? Would it be useful if I reminded you what we spoke about during our consultation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019ve told me beforehand that you\u2019re particularly anxious about meeting me, I might even invite you to ask me a few questions first. Sometimes getting to know the person sitting opposite you makes everything else feel a little easier. My aim isn\u2019t to rush into the \u201ctherapy.\u201d My aim is to help create a relationship where you feel safe enough to be yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n People often imagine therapists as very serious, very neutral people who carefully choose every word they say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s never really been me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t try to sound like a counsellor. I try to sound like a human being. The person who greets you at the door is the same person you\u2019ll spend the next hour talking to. I don\u2019t leave my personality outside the room and put on a therapist voice, and I don\u2019t \u201chide\u201d behind a professional identity.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n That means I might use humour if it feels appropriate. I might occasionally swear. I\u2019ll ask questions when I think they\u2019ll help, I\u2019ll show you my vulnerability when I experience it, and I\u2019ll often share my thoughts or observations if I think they could move our conversation forwards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Equally important, I\u2019ll also tell you that you\u2019re more than welcome to disagree with me. Actually, that part is quite essential to me: if I get something wrong, I’d much rather you tell me than politely nod along. Because my job isn\u2019t to be right. My job is to get as close as I can to understanding your world, and sometimes the best way of doing that is for you to tell me I\u2019ve misunderstood something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t work from a rigid list of assessment questions or a framework that I need to complete before we can begin. If you\u2019ve come in wanting to talk about an argument you had last week, I\u2019m not going to interrupt and ask you about your childhood simply because it\u2019s next on a form.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That doesn\u2019t mean your childhood isn\u2019t important. It often is. But I\u2019ve learnt to trust that whatever feels most alive for you in the moment is usually the best place for us to start. If something from your past becomes relevant, we\u2019ll get there naturally. I trust your process. And I also trust that if something has come into your awareness, there\u2019s probably a good reason for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For me, the first session isn\u2019t about fixing anything. It\u2019s about discovering whether we can create a relationship where you feel safe enough to be yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I hope that, before long, it stops feeling like you\u2019re talking to \u201ca counsellor\u201d and starts feeling like you\u2019re talking to another human being. Someone who\u2019s genuinely curious about your experience, willing to sit with difficult feelings alongside you, and not pretending to have all the answers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That doesn\u2019t mean we\u2019re friends. The therapeutic relationship has clear professional boundaries, and those boundaries are important. But within those boundaries, I believe therapy works best when two people can meet each other honestly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m aware not every counsellor works like this, and that\u2019s okay too. Finding the right therapist is a little like finding the right pair of shoes\u2014what fits one person won\u2019t necessarily fit another. But if you\u2019ve read this and found yourself thinking, \u201cThat actually sounds quite reassuring,\u201d<\/em> then perhaps we\u2019d be a good fit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I see most of clients my clients in-person, and support people in Blandford Forum, Shaftesbury, Bournemouth, Poole, Bere Regis, Wimborne, and the other surrounding villages. I also work online for those who are not in a position to make the trip or who prefer to work in a more flexible way.<\/p>\n\n\n\nWhat Actually Happens?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\nThen We\u2019ll Simply Start Talking<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m Probably Not What People Expect From a Counsellor<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
What Won\u2019t Happen<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Ultimately, It\u2019s About the Relationship<\/h3>\n\n\n\n