Anxiety can be a difficult experience to explain to someone who has never felt it. From the outside, it may look like worrying too much, overthinking situations, assuming the worst will happen, or avoiding things that feel difficult. But for the person experiencing it, anxiety is often much more than simply \u201cthinking negatively.\u201d It can feel like your mind is constantly searching for what could go wrong, while your body reacts as though something dangerous is happening in the present moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I often think of anxiety as both a nervous system response and a protective strategy. When we experience it, our body is preparing us to respond to a perceived threat (often by taking Flight). This is why people may notice physical sensations such as a racing heart, faster breathing, tension, heat, or a feeling of being unable to settle. Our body is not malfunctioning; it is doing what it believes it needs to do to keep us safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The difficulty is that this protective system can become overactive. Anxiety often develops around uncertainty; the things we cannot fully predict, control or guarantee. Avoidance then becomes a very understandable response. If something feels frightening, avoiding it can bring immediate relief. The problem is that while avoidance works in the short term, it can unintentionally teach our anxious mind that we were only safe because we avoided the situation. Over time, this can make anxiety feel bigger and more powerful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My aim in therapy is not to help you eliminate anxiety completely. In fact, I think a small amount of anxiety can be useful. It can motivate us, help us focus and encourage us to prepare for important situations (you likely studied for that test because you felt anxious about failing it, for example). The aim is to develop a different relationship with anxiety, so that it becomes something you can listen to and respond to, rather than something that controls your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One of the first things I often do with clients is provide psychoeducation about what happens when anxiety becomes overwhelming. I use the concept of the Window of Tolerance to help people understand what is happening in their nervous system when they move into a state of hyperarousal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When anxiety is very high, it can feel as though the rational part of the brain has gone offline. I often describe this using the analogy of a house being on fire. When a house is on fire, the first priority is not deciding how you would like to redecorate the kitchen. The first priority is putting out the fire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The same applies to anxiety. When someone is experiencing intense emotional overwhelm, that is not the moment to analyse their thoughts, solve problems or try to reason their way out of the situation. The first step is regulation. It is about helping the nervous system settle enough that the person can come back into a place where reflection and choice are possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This might involve breathing techniques, grounding exercises, using the five senses, counting exercises or other practical tools that help bring someone back into the present moment. Sometimes people feel as though using distraction or coping strategies means they are avoiding the problem, but there is an important difference between avoiding something because you are afraid of facing it, and temporarily regulating yourself because your nervous system is overwhelmed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At the end of the day, you cannot put out a fire while you are still trapped inside it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Once anxiety feels more manageable, we can begin to explore it with more curiosity. A big part of my work is helping clients understand their anxiety rather than simply fighting against it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I often describe anxiety as an Anxious Part\u2014the part of you that is trying very hard to protect you. Alongside this is another part of you: the Adult Part, or the part of you that can do things, cope with challenges and navigate life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Anxious Part often carries the belief that you are not capable enough to deal with what might happen. It tells you that you need to prepare more, worry more or avoid certain situations because otherwise something bad may happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
However, when we look back at people’s lives, we often find something interesting. Many people who struggle with anxiety have coped incredibly well during genuinely difficult moments. They have navigated crises, supported others, made difficult decisions and survived situations they once thought they could not handle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Anxiety often forgets this evidence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Part of our work together is reconnecting with that evidence. Rather than simply reassuring yourself by saying, \u201cEverything will be fine,\u201d we build trust through lived experience. We look at moments where things felt overwhelming, but where you ultimately found a way through. The goal is for your Adult Part to be able to respond to anxiety with something more grounded: \u201cThis feels scary, but I have evidence that I can handle difficult things.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Over time, this may also involve gently approaching situations that anxiety encourages you to avoid. Not forcing yourself into overwhelming experiences, but gradually creating opportunities to discover: \u201cI can do this. I can feel anxious and still be okay.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
While learning coping strategies and understanding anxiety are important parts of the work, I believe lasting change often comes from looking beneath the anxiety itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes anxiety is connected to deeper patterns that have developed over time. For example, you may find yourself struggling to say no, setting aside your own needs, taking responsibility for everyone else’s feelings, or feeling unable to be fully yourself within relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Underneath these patterns there can sometimes be a fear that being authentic will lead to rejection, conflict or disconnection. The fear of losing connection can become stronger than the desire to express your own needs. As a result, people can find themselves constantly adapting, pleasing others or putting pressure on themselves, and anxiety becomes the understandable response to living in this way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is where therapy can move beyond simply managing anxiety. We can begin exploring self-worth, boundaries, relationships and the beliefs you have developed about yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A significant part of healing from anxiety is building a sense of trust in yourself: trusting that you are capable, trusting that you can cope with discomfort, and trusting that you can navigate the challenges that life inevitably brings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My understanding of anxiety is informed not only by my professional, clinical experience as a counsellor, but also by my own experience of being diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder in 2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Experiencing anxiety personally has given me a deeper appreciation of how consuming it can feel, but also of the possibility of change. I know how easy it can be to feel as though anxiety is simply part of who you are, rather than something you can develop a different relationship with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For me, therapy is not about becoming someone who never experiences anxiety. It is about developing the confidence and self-worth to know that anxiety can be present without taking over. It is about reaching a point where you can say: \u201cI may feel anxious, but I trust myself to handle this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That sense of self-trust is where lasting change happens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Although this blog post explores anxiety more broadly, my counselling practice is based in Blandford Forum, where I support people experiencing anxiety from across Dorset, including those in Wimborne, Poole, Shaftesbury and the surrounding villages such as Child Okeford, Sturminster Newton, Stourpaine, Bryanston, Durweston, Milton Abbas and The Tarrants. I also offer online counselling for those who are unable to attend in person. More info here<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Anxiety can be a difficult experience to explain to someone who has never felt it. From the outside, it may look like worrying too much, overthinking situations, assuming the worst will happen, or avoiding things that feel difficult. But for the person experiencing it, anxiety is often much more than simply \u201cthinking negatively.\u201d It can […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1119","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-anxiety","category-mental-health"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/weswoodlandcounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1119","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/weswoodlandcounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/weswoodlandcounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weswoodlandcounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weswoodlandcounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1119"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/weswoodlandcounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1119\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1121,"href":"https:\/\/weswoodlandcounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1119\/revisions\/1121"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/weswoodlandcounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1119"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weswoodlandcounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1119"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weswoodlandcounselling.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1119"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}