Anxiety is one of the most common human experiences, and yet it often leaves people feeling isolated or as though something is \u201cwrong\u201d with them. The truth is, anxiety isn\u2019t a weakness. It\u2019s a natural response designed to protect us. It gets us our nervous system ready for the fight or flight response. The challenge is that, over time, anxiety can become distorted, reading normal human experiences as dangerous, and ultimately pulling us away from the life we want to live.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In this post, I want to share a different way of relating to anxiety. One that\u2019s less about fighting it, and more about gently befriending it. I\u2019ll also give you some practical steps you can experiment with, along with a personal story about how I shifted my own relationship with anxiety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The nature of anxiety is that it makes us want to avoid the things we feel anxious about. Avoidance offers short-term relief. A temporary sense of safety. But it doesn\u2019t resolve the issue. Before long, the same fear often pops back up, sometimes even stronger than before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The way out of this cycle isn\u2019t through avoidance but through gathering evidence. Step by step, we begin to see that the things we dread aren\u2019t always as catastrophic as our minds predict. In fact, people who suffer with anxiety are often strong, capable, resourceful, and a lot more resilient in a crisis than they realise. It\u2019s the thinking<\/em> that has become distorted, not the person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When we take the courage to look at the things we\u2019d rather avoid, healing begins.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here\u2019s a gentle framework you can use to start shifting your relationship with anxiety:<\/p>\n\n\n\n What makes this process harder is how tricky our thoughts can be. Anxiety often distorts reality, and these distortions<\/a> feel convincing. A few common ones include:<\/p>\n\n\n\nBefriending Your Anxiety: Seven Steps<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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Grounding is essential. Make a list of techniques that help you calm down if anxiety feels overwhelming. You can always pause and return to the exercise later.
Suggestions: going for a walk, splashing cold water on your face, singing along to music, painting, gaming, talking to a friend, using a heat pack.<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
List the situations that trigger your anxiety. Start with the least intimidating and write down what you expect to think in the moment.
Example:<\/em>
Social Event.<\/em>
\u201cThey\u2019ll think I\u2019m weird.\u201d <\/em>
“No one there will like me.\u201d<\/em>
\u201cMy heart will race, meaning I must be in danger.\u201d<\/em>
\u201cI\u2019ll do something embarrassing.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
For each thought, gently question it in the present tense.
Example:<\/em>
\u201cThey think I\u2019m weird.\u201d \u27f6 \u201cHas someone actually told me this?\u201d
\u201cNo one here likes me.\u201d \u27f6 \u201cDo I have proof of that?\u201d
\u201cMy heart is racing, I must be in danger.\u201d \u27f6 \u201cMy pulse is raised because I feel nervous.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m going to do something embarrassing.\u201d \u27f6 \u201cThis is a worry, not fact.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n\n\n\n
Do the thing. Pay attention to what happens in your body and mind. Use the work you did in Step 3 to challenge distorted thinking in the moment.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
Afterwards, ask yourself: Did the things I feared actually happen? And if something uncomfortable did happen, how did I handle it? Did I survive it?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
Write down what went differently than expected. Remind yourself of your bravery for stepping outside your comfort zone.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
Try again, carrying the knowledge from your last experience.
Example:<\/em>
\u201cI thought it\u2019d be bad last time, but it wasn\u2019t. And if things go wrong, I know I can cope.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\nWhen Thinking Gets in the Way<\/h3>\n\n\n\n