Wes Woodland
Counsellor
Counselling for Men’s Issues in Dorset
Being a man can come with a strong sense of responsibility. You may feel that you should be dependable, capable and able to keep going when life becomes difficult. Other people might rely on you financially, practically or emotionally, and you may take pride in being someone they can turn to.
However, carrying that responsibility can become exhausting when you feel unable to put it down. You might understand that men are allowed to struggle, ask for help or become emotional, yet still feel uncomfortable when it happens to you. Perhaps you minimise what you are going through, become angry rather than expressing what is underneath, or continue pushing yourself long after you have reached your limits.
Counselling can offer somewhere you no longer have to pretend that everything is fine.
How I Understand Men’s Issues
There is no single definition of “men’s issues.” I work with men experiencing anxiety, depression, anger, low self-esteem, body-image concerns, relationship difficulties, addiction, trauma and many other challenges. However, these struggles can be influenced by the messages men receive about who they are supposed to be.
You may have learned that strength means managing everything yourself, that vulnerability makes you less masculine, or that your value comes from what you provide, achieve or endure. Even if you consciously disagree with these beliefs, they can continue shaping how you feel about yourself.
This can be particularly difficult during periods of increased responsibility. New fathers, for example, may feel enormous pressure to provide financially, support their partner, care for their child and remain emotionally stable, even while exhausted and overwhelmed themselves. Other men may depend heavily on work, achievement, physical strength or appearance to feel worthwhile. From the outside, they can appear confident and capable while privately feeling inadequate or uncertain.
I do not believe masculinity itself is the problem. Therapy with me is not about removing your strength, ambition, anger or desire to be responsible. It is about exploring whether your understanding of masculinity supports you or leaves you feeling trapped by expectations you can never fully satisfy.
What Therapy With Me Might Involve
I understand that emotional openness cannot be forced. If you have spent years learning to keep certain things to yourself, I will not expect you to arrive at therapy and immediately talk about your deepest feelings. We will work at a pace that feels manageable, beginning with the language and understanding you already have.
Together, we might explore what strength means to you and whether asking for help could sit within that definition. We may look at the expectations you carry, where they came from, and whether they still reflect the man you want to be. This can include examining the influence of parents, friendships, relationships, social media, workplaces or wider ideas about what men should be like.
If anger is causing difficulties, I will not simply tell you to suppress it. Anger can communicate that something feels unjust, threatening or unacceptable. Instead, we can explore how you express it and what may be happening underneath it. Hurt, fear, shame, rejection or guilt can sometimes be harder to recognise, particularly if anger has been the safest emotion available to you.
We might also explore your relationships with other people: how openly you communicate, whether you can receive support without shame, and what happens when you need to express care or vulnerability. The aim is not to turn you into somebody else. It is to help you communicate in a way that feels honest, self-respecting and consistent with your values.
Developing a Different Relationship With Yourself
Men can also experience considerable pressure around appearance. You may feel that you should be muscular, disciplined and physically confident, particularly when social media presents a certain kind of body as evidence of masculinity, attractiveness or success.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to become stronger, enjoying exercise or caring about how you look. What can be helpful is understanding where that desire comes from. Does exercise feel enjoyable and affirming, or punishing and compulsory? Does your body support your self-esteem, or have you come to depend upon it as proof that you are desirable or good enough?
The same principle can apply to work, success and responsibility. Therapy can help you notice whether your choices come from self-respect or from an underlying fear that, without constant achievement, you will lose your value.
Over time, you may become more emotionally aware, communicate more openly and feel increasingly comfortable in your own skin. You might find it easier to ask for help, address your needs without guilt and recognise what is happening before anger or exhaustion takes over. Life may begin to feel more manageable because you are better resourced, rather than because you have simply become better at enduring it.
A Broader Way of Being a Man
I believe men can be strong, responsible and resilient while also being sensitive, caring and emotionally honest. These qualities do not cancel each other out.
Therapy can help you develop a broader and more accepting relationship with masculinity. One in which you do not have to reject parts of yourself to feel like a man. You can retain the qualities you genuinely value while letting go of expectations that leave you isolated, ashamed or perpetually under pressure.
If you would like to explore my thinking about this in more depth, you can read my accompanying blog, Men’s Issues: What Does It Mean to Be a Man Today?
I offer counselling for depression in Blandford Forum and online, so if you would like to explore whether we might be a good fit, you are welcome to get in touch for a free 20-minute consultation.
